house hunting !

went house hunting yesterday . but end up taking lots of pictures . well , i was at punggol , and the place so so nice . gave me the mood to be thick skin a bit and take photo of myself . wahahahah

the truth is ,

the truth is , i was thinking about how much and what are the things that i'm willing to give in to him . and i realise , the amount , is overwhelming . which is definitely not desirable . and my dearest girlfs would guarantee plus chop , beat the shit outta me :p

finally 2 or 3 more days and i can see him . fucking bitch . miss him so badly . i got a bad feeling when i see him i'll start crying . i just miss him too much . althought we are not like other couples , text long long , all sweet sweet stuffs , everyday meet up , talk on the phone laughing like some retards but looks so fucking blissful , still , i've no idea why , my fond of him just grow and grow none stop . and which , results in xiaoyu miss him . wtf ! did he cast some black magic ? hmm :/

what's the point

there are people who are willing to just give everything up for love . there are people who think that what's the point of doing so much . there are people who's just playing around . and there's just this paritcular people , who will give in all , and don't want to give in , and just when they know that everything is really the end , finally , then they let go .

i guess i'm that type of person ?

I wish ..

many times , most of the times , i envy the couples around me . those girls who have their boyf meeting them after school or seeing each other everyday . i envy their them for having a boyf who pamper them so much . i envy them for having a boyf who would talk on the phone with them for hours . i envy them for having a relationship that i long for .

i turned my conditions of having a relationship to so low . and yet , none has been fufilled . none can be done . instead , it seems like , i'm the one who's granting your needs . why should i be the only one giving in ? can't you at the least think in my shoes ?

i miss you , freaking lot . and there are times where i would miss you so much that i would feel like crying . an example , now . and i'm really crying . longing to see you . i was hoping that i could see you today . for a bit . you saw me i guess . but i didn't . not even a glimpse . when are you appearing in front of me ? when are you gonna hug me ? when are you gonna , at the least just be within my sight ? it's been more than a month . 28 or 29 then we can meet ? i don't even want to wait anymore . people are saying how can i even bear€ for such time not seeing you . i smiled , saying , you're busy . deep down inside , in my heart , i'm thinking , i can't take it , but what can i do ? we don't even talk on the phone for that one whole month too . and finally i hear your voice today , for 15 secs .

am i just that pathetic ?

Exploding

went to 313 today , to find out what the fuck is he exactly up to . cause i really have no idea what is he so freaking busy with . it's too unreasonable . and i'm starting to feel fucking insecure . why ? cause you're always . more than a month can't even meet me . which girl won't suspect ? and today you saw me . and i've no idea how . but since logically , you saw me , you should be coming over to me , isn't it ? and you tell me those excuse why you can't come out . wtf is this ? yeah , whatever , don't come look for me when you want okay ? can you freaking think for me ? you sure this is the way you want to treat me ? and you still got the cheek to ask me why i'm upset . no brainer or what ? uh yeah , whatever , do whatever you like okay ? cause i'm not gonna give a fuck anymore . cause for your information , it's the 2nd time

# Leo fact 5

they set the pace of the relationship and never give up .

# Leo fact 4

they will shout out and declare to the world that she loves such and such a person .

baobei , it's alright . though i'm not sure what happened . still , don't so stress alright ? i'll be here for you no matter what . i'll listen and comfort . alright ? i love you (: * hugs ! *

unpredictable

came across this girl's fb today . and it was said that she passed away yesterday due to a car accident . and what's more is that she's just 19 ! so many years ahead ! but yet .. and it was said to be very sudden and the accident is serious . her sis didn't want to say too much of what had happened . though i don't know who is she , still , rest in peace .

this really tells me , the people around or even myself , could just be gone anytime . maybe the next sec or min or tomorrow . so , i'll really cherish the people around me , my beloved ones (:

unwanted

i thought you could make me forget the past . i thought everything would be alright . i thought my life has finally gone back on track . but if you're really bothered , wouldn't you try to help me get out of that trauma ?

you , do me a favour too , fucking pull me out from the past

just wrong

just what's exactly wrong with me ? that fucker , he came into my life and thrash it in seconds . what rights does he have ? he made me give everything up , give everything to him , and thrash my life . and now ? whenever i see him , i just can't help but remind about the past we had . who is he to do that to me ? who is he to make my life miserable and yet smile his way away with some other girls ?! who are you to stay that happy ? who are you to make me so miserable ? happy that you make me so ridiculous ? happy that you've fooled this fucking idiotic girl who give everything to you ? fun ? then do me one small favour , get out of my life , fast .

no idea

you've really no idea how much i miss you , don't you ? the last time we meet was last month's 20th . which is till now , a month already . can you tell me which couple would not meet us for a month ? we're not quarrelling , we're not having cold war , we're not seperated , we're not cooling down . we're fine , perfectly fine . still , we're as if we are just friends , not close friends either , just friends . what ?? i know both of us are busy . still , are we really that busy till for a month we can't meet up ? i know i'm not that busy . though i have my n levels this year , which is hell fuck important , still , i can still take some time out to meet you . you ? work work and work . i know you need to rush for the what f1 thing . but a month not meeting , seriously ? to say the truth , not that i don't wanna treat my boyf good . i use to think that i'm not a good girlf . this time ? not that i'm not trying , you're not giving me that chance . you're sweet , very sweet , at times . still , i hope at the least once in a maybe 2 weeks , we can meet up . is it really that difficult ? i'm not blaming that you're working too much . i just want to see you for even if it means for 10 mins . and the worst thing is that , baobei , you don't seem to like me to be shown to any of your friends or during your work . i mean other than our common friends , you've never ever said to ask if i want to go out with your friends or find you during your work , or at the least walk pass ? it makes me think that , you're hiding a lot of stuff . and that you're lying . are you ? whichever or whatever your reason is , i just hope , it's a reasonable one . cause , none of your reasons said to me , has actually convinced me before

verge of falling

i've no idea why . and i know there's not a need to make myself being stress out about this kind of stuffs . but i just tend to be a worrier . and whenever i start to worry , i think a lot .which always makes me at my losing ends . i'm afraid that i'm giving the love more than i should be giving you . it seems like i shouldn't be giving so much love to you . because , i'll end up getting hurt . and that's not i want . i've been telling myself , not to bother too much about what's between us , a certain amount would do . but yet , i can't help but keep worrying where is her , knowing what is he doing . aren't my feelings suppose to be fading , since that we're not meeting much ? why are they instead , increasing ?

best of all

missing

if only you would drop down from the sky , being by my side ..

unspoken words

sometimes telling the truth just isn't that easy . not that i'm going to lie , it's just that , i don't how to tell . i mean , somethings just aren't meant to be told . i know what her reaction will be . but if i'm not going to tell , i'll be at disadvantage . well , both ways are of disadvantage to me anyway . i don't want to spoil what's between us . it's stressful

the distance relationship people normally have is a couple , one in one country , another in another country . having a hard time contacting each other , meeting each other , spending time with each other . we ? we're a distance of jurong east and jurong west only , yet , we dont always meet . it's nearing to a point where we don't meet at all . and yes , i miss you a lot . and i don't find myself unreasonable if i want to go find you wherever you are even if you don't allow . hehehe

# Leo fact 3

They tend to think more with their heart than with their head .

# Leo fact 2

They are faithful to those who love them . Just don't let that affection falter .

# Leo fact 1

They just never consider it reckless to go against the odds .

it's friday . and yes , i woke up with very nice double eyelids but ended up bcoming single eyelids when i reached school :/ and i'm hungry ): lucky it's friday already . this week feels long . i feel like i'm going to fall asleep anytime , anywhere .

n level's part two's starting on 3 oct and i'm still freaking slack . i only did 3 chapters of chenistry notes . and obviously , it's enough . i screwed my social studies , thus , history gotta do really well . i'm not lying , but i'm really freaked out by n level . and it's kinda stressing me out :/

oh well , best of luck to myself then .

i want to see us holding hand , walking down the park chatting like there's nothing else in this world ..
i want to share every glamour and glittery moments with you and just keep it between us ..
i want to see us spending that crazy friday nights together , happily

one of your sweetness

told boyf i am scared of lizard and didnt dare to go and bath because of the lizards outside the bathroom . he keep telling me to €€€ways to ignore the lizards . just when i told him i'll just go and bath , he called he told me to heat some water and bring it to the other bathroom , which didnt have a heater . that way i'll have hot water to bath with and won't see those lizards . i mean i use to think that he wouldn't really bother much about me . i thought he'll just reply me msges like : " don't need scared luhs . just go bath only " but he didn't . and he called to tell me a way to avoid those disgusting fast lizards . aww .. quite happy anyway ((:

first half of n level is finally over . another half to go , got to hang on . i'm trying to do well for my subjects . well , used to aim for good grades . for now , i think if i'm able to go to sec 5 , it's enough already . when i reach sec 5 , i'll have to mug and mug and mug . hard life , still :/

conplaints to you never rebounce any comments or consulation before . it's like i'm complaining to a wall . so i might as well , don't tell you about it . when i'm unhappy or not , you don't even know also . you don't even really bother if i'm having a hard time or what really happened to me . no idea why then do i have to even bother about you . never did you anyway , tell me what happened to you . other " i'm working " or " i'm with my brothers " or " i'm tired , sleeping " . isn't it ? whatever . lesson learnt - not only do i not complain about that fucking whore but also about the bad things that happen around me , which is no complains to you , from me

being dependent and over trusting people , is what i've always grown out to be . from getting bullied , to changing , to lying , to so much other worst stuff . no matter how strong i appeared in front of other people , my fragile side just seems to leak out at times . people who made me depend and trust them , 90 percent are those who i shouldn't have even know them . the rest , 4 percent will always be there for me , no matter when , where or what . the remaining 6 percent are comes and goes though they're dependable and trustable . my fifthmay , supposingly to be the 1st person from the 4 percent , turns out to be more of one of the people that should be in 90 percent category . the worst part is that , i turned out to be so dependent and trusting that person that , i end up , with scars , wounds , angers , tears and all sorts of negative things you can ever think of . that fifthmay , i dont want to be dependent on you . i can trust you , but not much . i'll learn to restrict myself . cause it's clearly that you'll not be there for me when i need you . how'll we will end up , i'm sure , it's pretty clear and i bet , you've expected it . but i still want to hold on . why ?

i'm really having quite a hard time , having a space to breath at home . i've always told myself that i've already have a blissful family . my parents are around , i have a sibling and a home to live in . but .. the feeling of being in this house is like the sky is going to come crashing down on me . and that i've no idea what to do . towards my mom , i've no idea how should i talk to her again . her mind has already blocked me out when it comes to this kind of issues . my dad , he doesn't really bothers much . there's not help in asking him to try and solve this . my sis ? forget it . not even in a million years she'll ever listen . me ? i don't know . i'm just a fucked up 16 year old who has to be sandwwiched between my mom and sis , where my dad is not helping at all . and at that moment , i felt that strong lonesome and abandoned feeling . and that's when i needed someone . but , much to my disappointment and somehow expected thoughts , the person that i needed the post , isn't there for me . so where are you ? thanks for leaving me alone