it's just me

sometimes i feel sorry towards boyf . i mean just because of what happened previously in my past relationship , i'm getting really realistic . i couldn't trust and believe him totally . i couldn't treat him like how i actually could . sometimes i'm just really fucked up about it . i mean , if i did , would the same thing happen again ? i can't afford that . well , mr boyf ain't really treating me bad . starting yes , but now , i don't know what else to complain about . maybe there is , but those are not the things that i would complain about . but yet , i kept comparing him with others . i don't need a handsome , cute , hot , rich , good looking , perfect or whatsoever guy . i'm okay with what boyf is now . then why isit that he can't help me in erasing those memories . and worst thing is that , boyf makes me remind of him . not good at all . i do love boyf . he's not a subsitute of someone . but i can't help but keep thinking that i'm actually making use of him . urge ! i'm sorry if i had made you think this way , well you didn't say you did , but if i made you feel this way , i'm sorry baobei ): what's with me ?