why

i don't know . i thought i didn't love you enough . but just when the thought that you're going in ns soon , just 7 days away , i cried . i'm afraid something would happen . i'm afraid things would change . i'm scared that you wouldn't be by my side when you're away . i'm afraid you would get hurt . i don't know . i'm just afraid that i'll miss you too much . but i don't know why that would lead me to crying this bad .

sorry

I know there are stuffs i do that is really unbearable . But i hope you'll understand baobei . I really can't be those kind of girls who just because they have a boyf , they neglect their guy friends . I mean like i told you before , i know more guys than girls . I mix better with guys than girls . Okay , to me , I've nothing to hide . I mean it's not like I have a guy behind your back or something . And i don't need a second guy or even more . One is enough , and that's you . So trust me okay ?

hug

If I'm upset , angry or even happy , you don't have to say a word . Just a hug from you , baobei , it's more than enough to me . Cause to me , a hug speaks a thousand words

promise

I can't promise to be with you forever more . But i can promise , before we ever part , I'll be there for you , always .

I will

bullshit

really ?

it's just me

sometimes i feel sorry towards boyf . i mean just because of what happened previously in my past relationship , i'm getting really realistic . i couldn't trust and believe him totally . i couldn't treat him like how i actually could . sometimes i'm just really fucked up about it . i mean , if i did , would the same thing happen again ? i can't afford that . well , mr boyf ain't really treating me bad . starting yes , but now , i don't know what else to complain about . maybe there is , but those are not the things that i would complain about . but yet , i kept comparing him with others . i don't need a handsome , cute , hot , rich , good looking , perfect or whatsoever guy . i'm okay with what boyf is now . then why isit that he can't help me in erasing those memories . and worst thing is that , boyf makes me remind of him . not good at all . i do love boyf . he's not a subsitute of someone . but i can't help but keep thinking that i'm actually making use of him . urge ! i'm sorry if i had made you think this way , well you didn't say you did , but if i made you feel this way , i'm sorry baobei ): what's with me ?

bored :/

waiting for 3pm :/ seriously . i should have left home 1 hr later . didn't expect me to be so early . i mean i'm like 1hr early , though there's this saying " being early is better than late " but i think i'm way off early -.- and there's this friend who i met at work quit the job ): luckily have serene's cousin - joey ((: yay ! thought i would be alone today . now i'm sitting patheticly at some staircase . heheheh . okay , i'm really bored ):

can't help it

when i thought i've been hurt enough , one love came and healed it . when i thought i've been healed completely , that love went away , for no reason . and the worst part is , this love , hurts more than the previous one .

just when i thought i can put in all i have , the reciever gave me a slap and i snapped to reality . things isn't as perfect as i think it would . just when i thought i was steadily balanced on this relationship , the captain of my heart flip the boat upside down , causing me to drown .

i thought i could heal , i thought i could smile . i thought i could forget , i thought i could forgive . i thought i could be better , i thought i could be happier . i thought i could .. but i couldn't . i can't . and , i got no idea why .

every breath i couldn't catch , every tear that i couldn't hold back , every pain i couldn't ignore , every memories i couldn't throw aside , everything i couldn't do just because of you , the only thing i'm sorry about , is i'm sorry i couldn't defend myself , i didn't protect myself .

Cute

D:

when is my hair gonna start growing that long D:

Aww ..

this is what i call " I love you WHOLE-LY ! "

sometimes

Sometimes , I hate good memories . They're the ones holding me back , leaving even more scars

bless

I hope she's better ..

breathless

those breath i can't catch , those tears i couldn't hold back ...

debt

All that you've given me , I thank you for that . And those debt I owe you , I hope I've returned all to you . So make my life easier , try and not be within my sight . It's better for the both of us

Top Numbers

3 types of languages i hear : Chinese , English and Korea . And here's my top favorite singers :D

Her name's A-Mei . Very obvious . She's a Chinese singer . The reason she's my favorite Chinese singer is because I've grown up listening to her songs . And her songs , mostly , never fails to make me feel touched . I means , her voice is just so sincere .

Well this , as long as you know Kpop , the 5 boys are from SHINee . They're currently my favorite Kpop stars . Of course there's others . But they're one of my faves ! They're songs are so cute . And yes , they're cute too . The guy in the middle , kim jonghyun , is my favorite memeber . His voice is OMG ! One of the songs he sing - So goodbye , OST of City hunter , is fantabulous !

Last of not least , Avril Lavigne . My favourite English pop star . This punk girl created history in my life . Her song - Happy Ending , is my favorite song of all time . So many songs of hers like " When you're gone " , " Innocence " , " Smile " , " Girlfriend " , omg , how can you not hear any of this songs of hers ?

Yeap , so these are my fave singers of all time . I don't know what can i do without their music D:

URGE

where are you ? the last letter i got , was like the starting of the year . Can't blame me for treating you like an older brother . within a month , i know stuff about you . How can i not worry for a friend that i care a lot ? i don't know how to contact you too . I remembered i tried asking yunkai if there's any news of you . But he said no . i heard from people that you've been taken to boys home . Well , i hope that's not the case . you were leaving . Since you're leaving why left so much words and thinking to me ? Well , then i wouldn't even really bother about you isn't it ? i mark you as a nice person , a good friend . And i really do hope to see you soon . But when ? How long ? I don't want to ask anyone anymore about your stuff . No idea why . I'm just confuse . I do have the urge to go to the boys home and take a look if you're there . Well , your fb states that you've accpeted someone as your friend on early October . That's weird . You accept someone's friend request , but you don't post any status . What's this ? Urge ! It's really fustrating me ! D:

Makeup

the art of painting the face - which is , make up , was found to be as long as since 3500 BC . To me , ever since i got hooked up on cosmetics , i can't go out without putting any makeup . Even if it means to be putting on only foundation . Well , i guess i can only say that I'm a low self-esteem person . Cosmetic makeup has been a really important task in my life . And it really makes me learn so much things . It really does change people . There are shows showing people how the girls are able to put on makeup . And the main point of that show was to show the high differences of the girls before and after of their makeup . Some people then may say that , girls nowadays put on makeup to cheat guys . Well , to me , my comment is , even if it's cheat , doesn't this prove that , the guys successfully got cheated , goes for looks ? Some says that without makeup , girls looks more beautiful . But do you know that , highly percentage of girls who puts on makeup , feel and think that , they have more confident in facing their everyday life . Well an example :

A girl who have blemishes and red tones , making her face look so dirty . And that dark eye circle , wonder how long have she not slept ? Having to face clients everyday , as a client , would you want to see her ? I doubt so . This is why humans are visual animals . Visually from what you see as i described , she don't look so not professional isn't it ? But what if she's someone with bright eyes full of spirit , radiant face looking like she's ready to face the day that's coming ahead , wouldn't she helps brighten your day too ?

Make up so make lots of differences . To me , it's a art . And it's really more than meets the eye . It really more and wider than you can imagine . Well , obviously , I'm one of the people who was surprised :D

money

Alright , i really need to go and work soon . Well , not like money would just come in my hands randomly freely isn't it . I've no more bag for me to bring out . All the bag is either , buckle came off or sling came off D: it happens to almost all my bag . Next , my wallet . My wallet , latest favorite green wallet , the attatcher or buckle or whatever it is called , it came off ! Now my wallet can't be closed ! D: Well , it still can be used though , just that i'll have to out all paper stuff in the zip part . Which means , actually my bag and wallet still can be used . Just that i don't want . But i do think buying a new one would be better . Still , I have to wait till i get my pay :/ Hmm .. no choice D:

manicure

went for express manicure today . Yeap , this was the colour i chose . Cost me $7.80 . The reason why i didn't do it myself :

1. LAZY

2. I paint my nails , freaking ugly-ly

3. Just want to do something to pamper myself

It isn't that bad actually . Think i'll try it soon again :D

wish

just a few mins ago , the call and text from you , is just how i wish our relationship would be . i now it doesn't happen everytime . thus , i'm cherishing this moment . it really marks my day . though it's not like everytime you're this way , still isn't that what's make me even more specially happy ? i'm a greedy person . i wish , for the days as long as i'm with you , we'll be this way , always . you're actually like a small kid . you need to be pampered , taken care of , consoled , guarenteed . but sadly , opposite , i don't like to take care of kids , i don't know how to pamper , take care , console , guarentee someone . but sometimes , i get a chance to take care you this big kid , i'm actually quite glad . and it's actually sweet of you to actually call and say . see ? that's what i need ! you to tell me what you're really thinking ! just say it , i need to hear it . so carry on this way okay ? and i love you too (:

bad girls

i don't know to say whether it's me or what . But for some reason , i've always been looking around who's good who's bad . Especially towards girls . Well , true enough and easily identified , i'm not good anyway . I just like to talk about people . You do know girls love to gossip don't you ? (: Saw some friends having new relationship , congrats , last long and stay happy (: and at the same time , just like i've said . I was identifying the girls . There's one particular one . Sorry , base on own thinking and comment , you're not good to me . One after another boyf , is what i saw of you . I don't know how exactly you care , more like i don't care . Still , please be to the guy you're with now . He's a nice guy . And as far as i know , he's hurt , twice in a row . Anyway , goodluck to all couples out there . Stay loving <3

manicure

LOVE THIS

strawberry maniac

STRAWBERRIES ! I love strawberries ! whether it's the fruit itself , drinks , snacks , cake or tarts , i love strawberries !!

flowers

the bed of flowers

sunset

i want to run with the sunset

travel

i want to go everywhere . taking done every memory

forever

this is what i call forever

friends

some friends are worth keeping forever

lies

you lied . freaking hell . and you haven't admit anything yet . doesn't your guilt kills you ? i didn't want to expose your lies because i don't want to hear any other stupid excuse from you . it's ridiculous . your lies , they useless . and you think i'm really that dumb . my dear , i could've gone all out just to debate with you and get my rights . but i didn't . and what sebas said , i help but somewhat admit . i'm not interested in this relationship anymore , i'm just waiting someone to be the bad guy :/ pathetic . i could have someone better than you . i've got to admit , although i'm not good till anywhere , and i really suck , but you're worst

mad

okay , i'm seriously very irritated now . boy , all your ways of doing . sorry , i've told myself before i won't tolerate anymore . you play your games with your rule . me go my way . i'm usually start tweeting or posting how angry i am . just to let out my anger , not to attract attention . but i realise i'll be flooding other people's page , and end up to like what everyone is talking about - adelyn hosehbo . whatever , seriously ? so , i'll just flood here . it's my dearest place anyway .

wanted to yell :

go fuck yourself

mr , i waited for your text the whole day , fyi

i was still thinking at night there'll start be having text , yet , nothing at all !

what the fuck ! ?

kns ! seriously , it doesn't work this way

mr , you want to tell me your excuse ? sorry , without you telling i know already . one word - busy . ccb ! then i very free is it ?!

you really think one sorry is enough ?

this is all you've got ? all those telling of " don't worry , i'll be much more better than him " eheh ! seriously , you're no diff from him now

all this are not base on anger words . it's truely what i want to say

and i don't give a fuck

expecting i'll understand ? try understanding me first , even for a lil' bit

it's always you you and you . no me

you carry on with your rules , i'm using mine

whole day ! what's the diff from not meeting you for one whole month without phone calls too !!!

surely you have a couple of 1 or 2 mins to slack a bit isn't it ? no lunch break ? mr , don't lie . you're not the only one in the whole world who works only

that fucking senseless guy , only text me , right after i posted things on fb . what ?! you kidding me ?! you want me to show that i'm fucked up and then only you start texting me , thinking you can solve everything with one sorry ?! fuck you ! no way .

( now i feel sorry for polluting my blog with this junk )